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I haven't had a good sleep session since Saturday. Last night I broke down and got some sleeping pills. They didn't work - so I took more - still didn't work - layed in bed all morning praying I'd just die. Now I'm just a zombie. Everything is so fuzzy. Oh life ... |
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My presentation on David Hockney today turned into a ranting about how much the TWU drama department is lacking. Wendy Robbins, being the curious and very new teacher that she is, kept me going and got the other kids in on it to find out more about the ugly side of our department. She kept saying how you can learn from everything - make the most of every situation - blah blah blah. But what it came down to is this : students reflect on the commitment and work ethics of their leaders. That's why the kids in Wendy's classes generally put in a lot of effort - and in other classes they don't. In theatre history I turn my brain off as I sit down in my lovely little desk right next to my professor "Dr." Mary Lou Hoyle. I've given up on her. Whatever, I'm stopping
I just saw pictures of one of those past loves and his new bride. Of course she's flawless. A suicide girl in the making. I hope she gets pregnant and becomes a huge cow.
In other news - no call back for Vagina Monologues - but I may have been cast. Who knows. |
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How depressing. The one big project at TWU that I was actually looking forward to. So I'm going to NY to be an "alternate"? I'm reconsidering. Bah! I'm really upset about this! And when I look at the cast list I think (vainly to myself) - I could so do better than her and her and her. I'm such a brat. But really ... REALLY! Someone who has no sense of timing and can hardly speak or walk onstage - and they have a title role and I'm on the crew. Here I go. I sound awful. I'm such a bitter and discusting mess and I should just - JUST - just stfu right now before I make myself throw up. Or make anyone else who's reading this for that matter.
Today started off bad (red wine hang over) so I called the Soph for an emergency meeting at Kharma to spill. What's funny is while I was waiting for her (of course she's always late!) I wrote a scene based on the conversation that I was about to have with her - and when she finally did arrive the conversation we had turned out just as I had written it. I guess I'm psychic. Or the conversations that we have are just that predictable.
Wonderful "date" (I guess it was a date?) with "heretobeknownas" Mr. Queso last night. Corpse Bride is brilliant. Fucking amazing. Tim Burton will be in art history books for sure.
Something I can't get over, though ... I am so intimidated by someone who has achieved as much as Mr. Queso has. I'm so happy for him. I think he's so completely talented and wonderful - but I can't help but think, well gosh he must think I'm pathetic. I haven't even completed an entire play and I've been writing them since I was a kid. I've never done theatre outside of church, school or camp. I'm not much of an actor or artist. I'm going to fucking TWU for crying out loud. I mean we might as well not have a theatre department because I don't learn a damn thing in my classes. When I graduate what will I have to show? Who the hell would hire me? I'll probably end up working at a Christian Daycare for the rest of my life. I'll marry some jack ass that doesn't give a damn about me because that's the only kind of man that I know how to love. And I'll live in a trailer. With 5 children and 20 cats. And a dog. Named Daisey. And we'll eat Ramen all the damn time because that's all we'll be able to afford. What an amazing life I have ahead of me! Forgive my negative rant. I'm in a bad place right now ... and it's only going to get worse tonight because I have to go home and eat a non-carb dinner because I've turned into a blimp and I have a million things to do for drafting.
Tomorrow night I have an audition for Vagina Monologues. Yesterday I was feeling good about it - now I'm totally discouraged because of the stupid Long March casting. Stupid stupid stupid. This is why I should stop acting all together. I do not handle failure well at all. AT ALL.
And the show I planned to audition for late October is cancelled.
For those of you reading I hope you realize I'm just blowing steam. This is very theraputic for me.
I miss my guitar. I miss singing and writing songs. What happened to that? You know what - I think I'll go home, write a song and drink the wonderful red wine that Mr. Queso got for me. Gosh he's just wonderful. Why is he talking to a jerk like me? |
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Since I haven't been able to take my recorder to Wellspring with me yet I've been jotting down all the crazy things that the kids say to me. Well, not all of them - but quite a few. Truely, they are so completely entertaining. I could spend hours just listening to them talk.
Or not. That would get old.
Anyway, today was a WONDERFUL day and what better way to end it than here at Art Six over a cup of green tea and LJ. I'm also sitting in my favorite chair in my favorite yoga pants and I have no shoes on. And there are no assholes in sight. So life is good.
My day was so wonderful because
A. Mary Lou Hoyle doesn't hate me. Even though I missed 2 weeks of class she's letting me make it up. And she thinks I did a good job with my little role as June in "The Man Who Came." So there's that.
B. I was off of work by 3pm today.
C. I rented the half of the first season of 6 Feet Under - it's amazing and so beautiful. Why has it taken me this long to start such a splendid obsession?
D. I found out I don't have to have my shit memorized for the Vagina auditions. Also I can audition Friday instead of Thursday - which means I get to see The French Club Dropouts perform. Which means I get to see one of my favorite Dallas actors. Which means I am promised to be both entertained and have a wonderful night. Joy!
E. I stayed true to my diet today - no fast food, no booze, not even a soda. And I had plenty of food - good healthy food - to munch on because I went grocery shopping yesterday. Damn - I just remember I left a whole pan of turkey out on the stove. I should tend to that ...
and finally
F. I exercised! Horrah! On top of my now daily bike rides - about 20 minutes to and from school and another 20 to and from workd - I did weight work and I took a lovely walk/jog as the sun was setting. Absolutely breath taking. I've fallen in love with Denton. It's so small and artsy and college like. I imagine once I graduate - it will happen! - I'll long to be in an adult like city? Wait that doesn't sound right. No - maybe I'll just stay here. I can't imagine facing the real world.
Highlights of the week - audition on Friday. I'm excited to be going for a project outside of TWU. Although The Vagina Monologues (in my opinion) are becoming a bit over done, I still appreciate all of the work that the FMLA of both TWU and UNT put into the show - it's really more of like a month long celebration of vaginas - and I'd be so honored to be a big part of that celebration. Working on the Jewish/Queens accent now. I remember the girl who performed the monologue last year. She was amazing. I only hope can even come close to her talents - maybe get a chance at this gig.
Also - outing tomorrow night. I plan to go to Corpse Bride at the Movie Tavern. I've been wanting to see that movie for so long now!
God I'm so tired - and it's only 10! I musn't deny my body the sleep it needs any longer. To bed I fly! |
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A new week. Dinner Man is over. My evenings free again. Of course on my first day of freedom I'm scheduled to work all day long. My luck is just funny like that I suppose.
I have to eat McDonald's again today - but I'm supposed to be back on THE DIET. You know, the diet that's supposed to make me lose a million pounds. It's so hard to keep up with health when life gets busy.
Because of my current financial blunder (but when is it ever not a blunder?) I have to begin looking for a new job. Oh goody. Of course this has to be a job that doesn't require a car - because I don't really have one of those at at the moment. I think I'll just pass out flyers for babysitting to the kids I care for at Wellspring.
This is all so insignificant and boring.
I've been doing a lot of writing lately. This pleases me, because I've had a lot of ideas stirring inside for awhile and I just haven't gotten around to writing them down.
There's an audition Thursday for The Vagina Monologues at UNT. I really enjoyed their production that I went to see last February, so this is something I'm very much interested in. Of course, if I go to the audition I won't be able to see The Mac's improv group perform the same evening. Something I was really looking forward too. Alas - there's always next week.
"The Mac" is the temporary LJ name I've chosen to use for BDM - a very nice person that I've been spending a lot of time with lately. Gosh he's just really great. I don't know what else to say.
Ok it's McDonald's time. For the love of God!! |
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I brought a can of spaghettios to make in the green room after class and before work today - but Tony's class is in there right now. Therefore I am forced to go to McDonald's for the first time in 2 years because it's the only thing that's close enough to work. And I'm starving.
Now I realize why obesity is such a problem in America. Convinience!
Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 12:07 pm
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| » "I may vomit." |
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I am so weird. I went through and read all of last years entries and they were filled with stupid little crush stories. I sound boy crazy - which I guess I was. I feel I've changed now. Maybe I haven't but atleast I don't rant on about silly hopeless romances anymore.
Ok so today I've decided is my official chill day because I've been too stressed lately. I've given up the diet for the day - so I'm thuroughly enjoying my sandwhich now WITH CHIPS! MUAHAHAH! And I think I'll have a bite of this pickle too! HA! Also after class I went home, took a long hot shower and lounged around the house for a good 2 hours - smoking from a pipe I made out of an apple and in my underwear - then I noticed a car parked in the driveway and realized one of the guys from Roe's band was still in the house. Mortified, I quickly dressed myself, grabbed my laptop and ran up the street to Art Six where I am now. Who knows where the band boy is - probably in the practice room sleeping - still it's creepy to think someone was in my house without me knowing it.
Dinner Man goes up this week. What a relief! But I have a lot to prepare myself for - the parents will be in town Saturday so I have to have the house cleared of all secular items. Mother doesn't like to see my astrology books out - and I think the nude magnets of Betty Paige on the fridge will have to come down. The Grandmommy will be over Saturday as well. A handful of friends coming to opening night. I like that they get to see this side of me. When I make friends outside of theatre they really only know half of who I am. The other half I take with me to rehearsals.
The Irish boy wants me to come to Canada to be with him. I'm torn. If I've ever come close to being in love it was with him and although I'd so love to run away to a foreign land to be with a foriegn man I'd hate to think of the effects post Canada. Then I think - well here I go again - backing out of something that could be totally amazing. So yes - torn. I've yet to respond to his erotica email. It actually kind of freaks me out sometimes.
I'm looking at all of these people outside the window jogging and riding their bikes and I'm feeling very guilty. But no! Today is no stress day. Officially. I need to have one of these aweek. With my special condition I think it's best for my health. Stangely, I forget that I have to treat my body differently than most kids my age treat theirs. I have to cut back on drinking and up the sleep hours some. Rekindling an excersise plan would be good, too. Um. Yeah. Special condition (for readers that don't know yet) : I had a closed head injury about 6 years ago. Stupid mistake that almost cost me my life. Sometimes the after effects sneak up on me if I don't take care of the ol braino.
I have to be at work in 30. Horrah. Oh shucks I just remembered I have to buy some rollers before I go to work. Bah!
Oct. 3rd, 2005 @ 01:33 pm
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| » Here be dragons |
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It's been ages since last I wrote in my beloved online journal. I've returned!
What brings me back is this : I have been creatively inspired. It's been a long time - I've missed the feeling. It's like being in love again. After dragging ass through a dry and lonely desert - then suddenly falling into an oasis of bliss. And here I am. It feels so lovely.
I'm in a play at TWU - Man Who Came To Dinner - and quickly I'm growing close with the cast and crew members. Some I love, some I hate. And some I really hate.
I can't stand vanity! And pride! EEEEEKKKKK!!! It's the biggest turn off. I want to screeeeaaaam when it begins. I want to yell things and throw things and squeeze the life out of something small and cute. But I just sit there, legs cross, eyes wide, smiling. Fucking fuck face.
That was a nice tangent.
Honestly I'm too fucking hungry to write about anything interesting right now. I'm doing this diet. Yeah I know - can you believe it? Week 2! So yeah, in the diet I can't eat carbs past 530 - and it's 11 - and I'm absolutely famished. I hate feeling like this! But oh the sacrifices I will make to fit comfortably into my the cozy burgandy Christmas dress they're having me wear for ACT III.
Aren't text messages silly? I mean really - childish when I think about it. And expensive. So why do I do it?
There are so many new things I want to do and see. Denton is so - so - limiting. I'm already sick of it here. If only graduation was closer. Alas. Decemeber. Now only small silly things like a bike ride at sunset and honey with my green tea can keep me satisfied with where I am in life. I know I'm young - but I feel like I should have so much more accomplished. And I feel like I should be so much thinner. When is all this working out and calorie counting going to pay off?
Sep. 27th, 2005 @ 10:54 pm
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| » Still Looking |
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I'm still looking for a place to move to in May. I'm open to all sorts of possibilities - even taking over someone's lease for the Summer. If you know of anything please reply/email or IM me. :) puckish_christina@yahoo.com AIM: untamed thespian.
If you wanna know anything about me before making an offer check out my myspace profile : http://www.myspace.com/stinawina
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 12:55 pm
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| » "I don't like to be tied down, but I'd sew my side to you." |
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Nice line, huh? Yeah I know. Because I wrote it. Because I'm a musical genius and soon I'll be a rock star and you'll all be like OOOing and AAAHHHing over my brilliantness. I think I'll get a band together - all hott guys - and name it Christina and the Hott Boys. ....
((hahaha))
Ok so I'm in this like wonderful mood today and I really don't know why. Could it be because there's nothing I really have to complain about in my life? Yeah maybe that's it. Although I'm not doing any theatre now I've been channeling my artistic energies directly to my guitar and this past week my rhythem and finger picking skills have improved dramatically. I'm quite proud of myself. I even wrote another song today. Haven't put lyrics to it yet, but that's usually the easiest of the process. I'm actually a little worried that all these little songs I've been writing might be sounding really cool to me but to everyone else they might sound dorky. Oh well. I guess I won't know until I play them for someone. WHICH I plan to do at some point this weekend. On one of my drunken escapades with those crazy Tomato head boys that carry guitars in their cars. Man I love those people.
Love life : ok, so I met this guy last weekend. Tall, beautiful, funny. Met him at the bar. (suprise, suprise) I won't give to many details but basically our evening together was pretty perfect (even though I was really drunk) and I thought maybe he'd be an exception to the chunk of bad luck with guys I've been having lately. He even called me the next day, exactly when he said he would. Then he came to the Tomato and my little crush began to slowly fade. He's a cool guy, but a little to "guyish" for me - if that makes any sense. It doesn't help that none of my friends really like him. I guess that put a big weight on me deciding to let go of this one. I really trust their judgement - I do.
Spring Break just around the corner. Looks like I'll be going camping with my fam for a few days. In all honesty, I don't really want to go but I know my time with my fam is limited and I need to savor these precious days of youth while I still can!
I'm thinking about cutting all my hair off and going for some trendy indie look. Wouldn't that be fun? I've never gone very short before and marzo is a month for trying new things. :)
Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 04:33 pm
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| » "You can dance, you can jive. Having the time of your life." |
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I might be in a talent show on the 8th - my first live performace with my geetaro! I'm pretty nervous. Oh dear lord yes I am.
In other news - I am a very bad girl. I had an awesome weekend. Never a dull moment in my life.
I'm really really really excited. I just wrote a song called "One night stand, still standing" and I really think it's awesome. I mean seriously. I've been working on it for 3 hours straight and I'm feeling excellent about it. Oh my fingers! They hurt but it feels so good!
Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 01:01 pm
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| » "I always loved the way you held your cigarette. Even though it's such a nasty habit." |
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Today I'm a happy girl. I don't have much to complain about. I've got a lot of neat things going on in my life. Lots of stuff to do and people to see. Life is good.
Yesterday I had to drive 3 hours out to Kilgore for an audition for the Texas Shakespeare Festival. It wasn't the best audition I've done. I'm pretty sure I probably didn't get the acting internship but I'm close to positive I'll be working as a prop intern. THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME because my best friend, Robyn, will also be working in the prop shop. This means non stop fun all summer long! Also my very good friend Micah will be working in the festival along with a few other kids that I went to school with out at KC. So yes. I can not wait till this summer! No more living alone. I will be reunited with two of my most favorite people in the world. Also, I'll be surrounded by wonderful theatre people that share the same love that I do! Yeyee!
Last night was interesting. The Tomato has become my second home and the people there a second family. After getting quite drunk I lost my keys twice and my phone twice. I had everyone looking for them. Now I've lost my phone again. I think it's still at Londy's. What was especially silly about last night was how I was acting around this kid that I guess I have a thing for. I kept asking him what he was doing after work. I'm so weird. Oh well I'll just apologize today or something. At the end of the night I decided I didn't want to go back to my cave so I called this guy Chris and crashed on his bed. It's strange - we kind of like each other but we've never kissed or anything and I've slept in his bed by his side three times now. He's totally not my type though. Plus he always has bad breath. Major turn off. Too bad because he's a really sweet guy.
So my social life is going good. Being 21 is great. No more fake ID. I've been spending way too much money on beer, though. In fact I'm broker than I've ever been. I might not even be able to go out tonight. Since I don't really have any friends that live on campus (except for a couple of my theatre girlies that live down the street) I have to make an effort to go out every night so I won't drive myself mad sitting in my dreary dorm alone. The problem with this is my two friends who I enjoy hanging out with the most never have homework to do so thier nightly activities consist of having a beer and chatting at The Tomato. This is all good and fun but when you get atleast one $3 beer every night of the week it starts to add up. Plus it's impossible for me to focus the way I need to when I've had a drink, so homework is out of the question. Good thing my classes are so freakin easy.
Ok works over! TIme to start some Saturday night fun!
Feb. 26th, 2005 @ 07:35 pm
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| » You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... |
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Today was better than yesterday. I actually got shit done. Granted, I still skipped a class. I've had a bad habit of doing that lately. I think I'm depressed. It all started with my roomate. God she's a crazy bitch. I can't get over that ... "She should just do the world a favor and commit suicide." WHO SAYS THAT??? WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT????
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Ok I'm done talking about her. Ok no I'm not. It's just this ... I spent and entire semester trying to get through to her. She's a fun girl. We have a lot in common. If she'd only break free of this bitterness - this ugly, discusting mess that she wallows in - she'd be such a joy to have as a true friend. I would've asked her to come with me to different places, you know, like friends do. Instead I let her sit there in front of the television, her only true friend, and stare in fascination at Ashlee and Jessica Simpson for hours on end. Poor thing. I pitty her, I really do. She has nothing and no one, really. She's 23 years old and she can't even pass through a semester without fucking up royaly. Anyone in the theatre and (now) the housing department here at TWU knows her as the girl with major issues.
On me ... I've been very tired and especially lazy this week. Skipped a lot of classes. Slept more. Watched movies. Still haven't finished getting shit from my old room.
Feb. 2nd, 2005 @ 07:39 pm
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| » My first entry |
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Here it is - my new and improved livejournal account. The other one had some complications involving and pro-ana lj community, a psycho insane roomate, and a block that kept me from updating my journal bc apparently there was no way I could prove I'm over 13. Anyway, that's the deal. I'm glad I have this new one set up though.
About the psycho roomate thing ... it's a terrible situation. I'm not just saying she's psycho, because she really is. No really. This is why she has no friends. This is why she stays at home every night obsessing over stupid shows like Nick and Jessica and The Ashlee Simpson show. This is why she's 23 years old, still doesn't have a clue, still has no discipline or respect for herself or other people.
That's all for now. Work is over.
Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 03:43 pm
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| » shalala |
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weee
Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 01:10 pm
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